Idle Worship

*MTV owns that image. I don't. And frankly, I don't want it. Just wanted you to know what $90K an episode looks like.

The most staggeringly unimportant advice I have ever received came from J-Woww. (You know, from that show. That-Show-Which-Shall-Not-Be-Named.)

1. If you vomit, it is advisable that you do not continue to drink. 2. Nails are best kept trimmed when fights are a frequent occurrence in your social life.

Neither of these tenets is applicable to me, yet I found myself with rapt attention. It wasn’t really what she said. It was the way it was received by the syndicated morning show personalities. It was as if J-Woww had just proclaimed that God revealed the 11th and 12th commandments to her. Naturally, the radio spot was to promote a new book, which I am sure would prove equally as insufferable. But it is a sad commentary on our own laziness and stupidity when we allow this kind of uselessness to be elevated to celebrity status and actually give it the air to breathe and grow.

The other day I heard that “The Situation” was seen test-driving a Ferrari. (As an aside, it is interesting to me that I know who these people are. I don’t even have cable, and yet – they’re unavoidable.) We have scientists spending day after thankless day in a sunless laboratory, working on cures for cancer and new ways to produce energy, and they drive home in a Corolla. Meanwhile, this waste of tanned, freshly-laundered flesh drives a car that exceeds the net worth of my entire neighborhood.

It’s not just us everyday people to blame. I recently noticed that Benjamin Netanyahu was scheduled to meet with Justin Bieber. (I wonder if J-Biebs will also meet with members of the Palestinian Authority. Somehow, I doubt that.) I have nothing against Bieber. In fact, I watched his True Hollywood Story a long while back and actually think he’s a talented kid. But I just don’t get it. Maybe it’s like that Beatles Album with the subliminal messages. Does “Baby” hold the key to Israeli-Palestinian harmony? (Quick! Somebody play it backwards. I hear it says “Leave the West Bank” when you do that.) It seems to me like we’ve got it all wrong. We lampoon and/or make a total mockery of all things serious, most likely from an inability or laziness in trying to understand it. At the same time, we put the dunces at the head of the class.

I watched a documentary on education a few weeks ago (non-stop party over here) and the point was made that American students lag behind in global comparisons of nearly every category, where this was undoubtedly not the case in decades past. The only arena in which American youth utterly devastates the competition is in a measure of their confidence level. No shit. The new American dream is to grow up uneducated, and become a do-nothing mogul with a fragrance, a clothing line, and your own vodka. Or, you could always design handbags a la Paris Hilton. She shows the world her va-jay and puts some rhinestones and a Hello Kitty on a clutch – and we’re ready to give her the cover of Forbes.

Modern pop culture sucks. Look at the trajectory of reality TV. Examining just “The Real World” alone would be sufficient. A show that started with controversy and salient topics has devolved into a house full of vapid, but pretty, people ready to have an orgy the minute they step foot on set. The only thing that really differentiates us from the rest of the animal kingdom is our sentient capability; the ability to form a rational decision after evaluating a range of options. The line between us and the creatures driven by pure carnal instinct is growing pretty thin. Thinking with the head and the heart is overrated. Instant gratification is where it’s at and this requires only that you follow the whims of your genitals. (Oh, this is, however, subject to J-Woww's wise counsel. See above.)

I think we all have the potential to become completely selfish satisfaction-seeking people who operate on very base, carnal desires. But, I also believe every person has the potential to be incredible. The ability that probably lies latent within most of us is enormous. Activating it requires discipline and outright abstaining from certain elements. I wholeheartedly believe that you are what you watch, what you read, and what you listen to. Choose carefully, or you may soon find yourself wearing Ed Hardy and a spray-tan.